My Space

2011-08-20T12:26:00.000-07:00

Are we there yet!

Team Anna has done something incredible for all of us. The media is celebrating high TRP ratings, intellectuals are happy about the middle-class movement and rise of Democracy, Dhoni & team are being assaulted by Brutal Brits in-front of less interested audience, Rajnikant may be slowly recovering from his illness without being questioned about his super powers :) and above all, Facebook, Twitter and other social platforms are enjoying increased activity.

Without questioning effectiveness of the Lokpal bill or Anna's methods, I would like to ask a hypothetical question. Are we truly ready to be part of a corruption free society? Before your spirit - high on Anna's movement & media hype- jump to a positive answer, let me elaborate the question.

Consider the following situations - I am pretty sure that everyone of us has been in these situations multiple times:

You are riding a bike without helmet or driving into a 'no-entry' zone or parked at a no-parking site. After being caught, what would be your first instinct, offer mere bribe or ask for a duly-signed fine receipt?
You are planning to buy a house - a common middle class dream - and the broker offers you two prices, actual price with higher tax or lower price but with significant black-money.
You are traveling without a confirmed seat. Won't you try to bribe the TTE for some favors.
Knowingly or unknowingly teaching your kid that bribing is the only way to get work done in India.
Produce fake receipts, like medical bills, house rent slip etc, just to avail some extra concession while filing Income Tax Return.
You missed to vote. (Believe me it's not a crime yet :P)
etc. etc. etc.

Moral of the story is that we all have been part of this black-money & corrupt mechanism. And we continue to remain the same. While we furiously support Anna's movement on virtual and actual platforms, we are not making ourselves ready for the changed society. While we are asking the politicians, IPS/IAS officers to reveal their net asset, we intentionally hide our income from Income Tax Department India. Is it morally correct?

Let the government look for the 'magical wand' to resolve this issue, let Mr. Anna go on fasting and let the media capitalize the situation. Shouldn't we go the extra mile and support the issue? Shouldn't we try not to bribe - if not for forever- for one year or for a month or at least for a day? Shouldn't we say no to the black money? or should we just opt for the easier option - lets just pray that the Anna's version of Lokpal bill is good enough to make this country corruption free.
Amen!

2011-01-08T11:51:00.000-08:00

Stumped Conscience!

Years ago, I had my first encounter with supernatural or rather spiritual phenomena of the universe. It was a holy experience, watching a cricket match on a black-and-white television. It was some ODI cricket match between India and Sri Lanka, where India registered a close win. I don’t remember the final score, I don’t even remember who was awarded the Man of the match title, but I had the ever lasting impression that I cherish even today. Well that was not the only moment. That was just a beginning of my faith in the religion called cricket.

Like many other Asians, I have grown up worshiping the game. In school, we would play cricket in the playground. If not permitted outside, the game would come to the class room in the form of book and crushed paper-ball. Sometimes there would be only a book, where page-numbers on the right hand side serving the purpose of scores. It was a pure fascination towards the magic numbers of four, six, fifty, hundred and duck!

Back at that time, there was no cricinfo or internet to keep cricket stats. We had our little player cards with all the stats on. Some chewing gum company distributed couple of those player cards with every chewing-gum. Boy! I have had a lot of them. My first introduction to real accounting was in terms of card currency. Any Indian player would fetch me three West Indies player or six Bangladeshi players. Sachin’s card alone could fetch me 10 foreign player cards!

Everything belonging to Cricket is worshiped and discussed over and over. Let it be radio commentary, sports section in a news-paper, an article in ‘cricket-smrat’ or interview of a cricketer, it would be visited and discussed again and again.
I was attracted to cricket in pretty much the same way grannies are to a religion. Drawing parallels to Hindu mythologies, there are various ‘stars’ in cricket specializing in different fields. There are frequent clashes between ‘favorite’ side and ‘enemy’ sides, and there are ‘sacrifices’ as well as ‘out-standing’ performances. Unlike the mythologies, where the ‘good’ side wins all the time, there is much more sportsmanship. It’s not predictable. Even defeats bring a sense of satisfaction sometime.

Years later, there was a serious attack on the sanity of the game by ‘match-fixing’ scam. The precious unpredictability was on stack. It was a dark time, but the moment passed. Some goons, couldn’t uproot our faith from the religion.
But today, I saw a major downfall. It came in the form of IPL Player Auction. Back in the school, we were innocent when we bartered players’ cards, but selling and buying real players by some business orientated people, who don’t necessarily have any passion for the game. The closed room drama turned cruel as it silently witnessed gems like Boucher, Ganguly, Gayle, Gibbs and Lara go unsold. For years we have supported a team for its players, and now all of them are scrambled.
IPL has raised concerns over purity of the game. With big-money, late night IPL parties, scams, auctions, and what not. For the first time in years, my faith in cricket is shattered. I have doubts but unfortunately my religion has no answer.

2010-08-01T12:35:00.000-07:00

Time-machine!

If a time machine is ever invented, it will be used to travel in the past more often than the future. Don’t believe me, look at the facebook status around you, we share nostalgic moments, snaps of our childhood, old college friends, the first outing, the first vehicle and what not. We have vague predictions of our future, but for our past, we are so sure. We have lived it and somehow want to live it once again, maybe over and over again. I am no different. I want a time-machine to go back in time, to relive the moments that I still cherish, and boom…. I am gone…

I stand in front of Vyas bhawan, it’s my first official day at BITS Pilani. I am quite overwhelmed by the sheer crowd around me, by the excitement for future, by the serene beauty of Pilani campus, and look there I meet my first few BITSian friends to whom I connect immediately, just to be connected for so many coming years. We share same bhawans, we go to same classes, we write same tests but get different grades, yet we live the same life, and bingo the first year is over. What a hell let of AWESOME friends I have got!

I am now in Connaught Place, Pilani. Oh! I love the smell of cold coffee from Chimpu-ji’s shop and have missed it all these years, and look I am having dinner with few of my very good friends. Our order is almost fixed, Cold Coffee and Water Melon juice. More friends are joining in, some are leaving early for the test next day. Finally I return to hostel and another lachha session starts with the wingies. The nights are so lovely in Pilani, especially in summers. Cool breeze flowing, crows singing outside and the never ending wing discussion are on, all the time. I wish, it could last a little longer, but…

Hey, here I am going to third and fourth year very quickly. Those EEE quizzes and tests scare the hell out of me, so I am on fast-forward mode here, but the lazy psenti sem is pure bliss. Waking up late, having lachha session all day and all night long, and planning for PS-2. Before I can plan properly, I am in B’lore…

B’lore is fun as always. I am playing cricket at NGV ground. I know I am not good at it, but hey, I don’t give 36 runs in an over. Over there I am going for another movie on another weekend, and yes now I am packing bags for some outside Bangalore trips. Life is never fun without friends, and some are coming with me to US…

Welcome to the land of opportunities! I am stumped at Subway. I can’t even order a proper meal for myself. I am running around profs cubicles for funding with my friend. We have hardly unpacked our stuff on US soil and the race has already begun. I meet new friends, all running in the same direction, getting lost most of the time. But we make it. Despite all obstacles we have survived and now going to Florida for spring break. What an awesome break!

And suddenly the land of opportunities looks different to us. Despite our best efforts we don’t get a single opportunity to show our worth. Job fairs turn into night mares. The short but sure escape comes from night cricket, long drives, cooking – movie sessions, south-park episodes, more road trips and black sparrow. Even if it’s a tough time, I don’t regret spending more time here. But… thanks to increased fuel price, I am out of fuel and going back to present. I wish I had a solar time machine.

Whatever! The point is, I was trying to be an over-smart ass and neglecting this very day to cherish friendship. But I have failed, and around midnight, I feel miserable. I should have said it earlier. ‘Happy Friendship day’, my dear friends! I know we don’t meet that often, neither do we share any common interest any more. Our lives have changed so much so as our paths. But, but, but…. Since most of us still live in our past, and considering the fact that you have touched my life in a way or another, I owe you guys a big ‘Happy Friendship days!’ wish. So have a blast, and yes, don’t forget to go on a ride on my time-machine. Who knows you may end up appreciating our friendship more than just saying these three words.

Aloha!

2010-02-14T11:20:00.000-08:00

Save yOurself, Tiger!

'Just 1411 left. Yes just one thousand four hundred and eleven left. Isn't it shocking? Yes, it is!' If you have no clue what I am talking about, you probably are not the one killing tigers around :)

Well, since so many less tigers are left (in comparison to India's large population, or population of stray dogs we have here or number of runs Sachin has scored, 1411 is a terribly small number, a tiny-tiny fraction!) So what should we do? If we agree Aircel's new campaign, we should speak about it, blog about it and sms about it. Here, I am doing my part!

I assume that the monsters who kill tigers can't be persuaded by blogs, so why not teach tigers how to protect themselves? Precaution is the best medicine ;) So I would like to convey my message to each of the remaining tigers. 'Save yourself, tiger! You might be a furious creature in woods, but have you invented guns? or have you developed some sense of tricks or greed or material lust? No... Did I hear no? here is the news... we have, and we have done it long time back. So here is the situation, we are on a killing spree. Go save yourself..'

'Here is the list of items that you should take care of:
1. Never be alone. Even if you are going for hunting, take at least one of your family members with you. What? You don't like your family, not a problem. Ask your friends on Facebook, and you will probably get one or two mates with you.

2. When you are travelling, always follow the advice a typical Indian mom gives to her child, 'Beta... Don't accept food from strangers?', no wonder we humans are far more in numbers than you.

3. Never, ever... I would repeat, Never ever watch typical Saas-bahu drama on TV. Tigers! I assure you, that's killing. And please save yourself from these reality shows, and no more movie watching on TV since they repeat every freaking movie zillions number of times. Apparently if you strike down these three options, you would probably left with news channels. They are even more dangerous, so better away from television set.

4. Play Farmville on Facebook! That's real saver I would say. Think like this, you will be safely seated in your cave playing Farmville, hunting down others cattle, saving them from sending me requests to play these nonsense games. It's actually mutually beneficial. :P

5. Try to cover yourself with pink. I have a hunch that these hunters are gay! Always portrayed in tight shiny skinny leather jackets pretending to be extra macho! Who knows next time you run into a hunter and end-up saving your life with some extra fun ;) you know what I mean!!!

6. Always charge your iPhone before you leave for hunting. I know its battery life sucks so everytime, yes I repeat every time before you leave, make it a habit to recharge your iPhone. And as soon as you see a hunter around, dial 911. (It's little ironical that I am advising Indian tigers to dial US emergency number, but isn't it true that every time we are in deep sh*t we look for extra helping hands!)

7. And last but not the least, google 'Indian tiger + Aircel' and read more. Since Aircel is spending a lot on the campaign (hiring Dhoni, Surya and others is not a cheap affair. When it comes to brand endorsing, these guys are real tigers here), I am damn sure, concerned people like me have already started blogging about your safety. So go fishing tigers!

Finally I would reiterate my concern over your safety. So go save yourself, tiger!'

Since I have done my part, I would like Aircel to appreciate my concern and send me the 'save our tiger' campaign's goodies. I seriously want that t-shirt.

2009-07-19T01:08:00.000-07:00

Of Smoking & Graduating!

Mouth still filled with acrid bitterness and last puffs of smoke quickly slipping out of my lungs, for some moments, I felt nothing, and then my hands mechanically reached for another cigarette and kept the bitterness alive. The fading smoke got new life. The lights around, however, were fading gradually. Everyone around me seemed to enjoy the party, I felt nothing. Not any bust of excitement, neither a pinch of despair. The emotions had deserted me long time back. I saw people dancing, smoking, cracking jokes and enjoying, and then I suddenly observed the blankness that appeared not promptly though, but in bits and pieces, flashing for fractions of seconds, and then vanishing. I felt relaxed. Unlike all other emotions, jealousy stayed loyal to me.

The cigarette, clutched tightly between my index and middle fingers, was burning out slowly or rather unceremoniously. Its only sparkling moments were the ones with my lips, I sucking life out of it and feeding its soul to my lungs. For those instances, my entire focus shifted towards my right hand, lips and the pair of slowly dying lungs. In those short moments, I actually enjoyed the life. The life with smoke stuffed lungs and vacuum conscience. The moment I released the smoke, several thoughts emerged into my mind. Career, job, family, academia, recession – though colors were different, yet they shared the same shade of uncertainty. Indecision increased their brightness and there was no contrasting solution. I restlessly moved the cigarette up for an escape- short but sure. I puffed again.

The bitterness, that started from my lips and conquered my tongue and mouths in span of few cigarettes, was now extending its territory to my throat. I decided not to smoke another cigarette, and the decision fetched soothing happiness to my otherwise confused persona. I wished that I could hold the happiness for long, but it died out with the cigarette and buried with the crushing of the cigarette butt. The void prevailed. Everyone else surrendered – music, people, dance, lights, smoke, jokes, thoughts, worries, indecision, happiness and regrets. The vicious cycle began with no warning and I was lighting another cigarette.

Amidst another round of a thoughtful inhaling-exhaling session, I realized that completion of my under-graduation was very similar to burning of a cigarette. There were busts of excitement-and-fear as well as celebration-and-determination, at that time. The world seemed eager to accept us, the friends rejoiced the completion and we looked forward for an exciting career. The graduation, on the other hand, is analogous to the transition from one cigarette to another, occurred in void - with no emotions.

Under the spell of intense numbness and the company of a regularly reincarnating cigarette, I witnessed rest of my graduation party.

PS: This piece is dedicated to graduating class of 2009!

2009-07-15T22:31:00.000-07:00

Philosophical Wandering!

Even the well explored and much traveled path reveals new truths time to time. Faded, most of the time slightly and sometimes completely, foot-prints of yours and others manifest its trite existence. The existence that offered excitement long time back, and now merely reduced to a banal necessity of your routine. Fortunately or unfortunately, it's not even a necessity of your routine since you have discovered alternate paths and you can pick any path you wish. But is it really a matter of choice, convenience or custom, that brings you back to the same peculiar path again and again?

The path, analogous to your day to day routine, blossomed with spring and depleted with winter, has added nothing to your life but a series of uneventful events and a list of unobserved objects. Do they really accumulate to attain a larger meaning in your life or just vanish as insignificantly as they appear?

Acquaintances were made and friends were discovered. Every-time you missed the bus and found someone to share the mild misery, the path became pleasant. Is it a bare coincidence to bump into the same person repeatedly? If so, how is the fate not involved in making friends? Whatever makes it possible, a parallel process ensures that people come in and go out of your life, leaving different shades of memories behind.

Technically a path is a connection between a source and a destination, and if the same path is traversed bi-directionally these source and destination interchange their roles regularly. The beginning becomes the new end and the end becomes the new beginning. When the process executed indefinitely the path looses its identity and two locations coin into one. Is it a good time to call Heisenberg?

However, the lonely paths are never silent. Resolutions are made,

Philosophies are coined,

Beauty is admired,

And plans are worked-out.

But the bigger picture remains the same.

And moral of the story is, it's all crap. I was just playing with my new camera. Isn't it funny that people acquire a different level of philosophical maturity with possession of advanced mode of expressions? I have never seen a person, I-am-not-an-exception, with a new camera, but no new album. The creative juices start flowing, the vision is developed and the artist comes out of everyone. May be every-one is an artist :)

2009-06-30T12:11:00.000-07:00

Good bye friends, Good bye US!

Some of you already know my decision of heading to India after graduation. I am defending my thesis next week and flying back on July 22nd. As of now, I don’t have any offer, but I am looking for a full-time job in India. Let me take this opportunity to formally announce my departure from US.

Talking about the reasons behind this decision, I would like to share a list of ‘pros’ of being in India:
--Only Indian T.V. Channels, like Star-Parivar, can offer wide range of truly entertaining and mind-blowing serials.
--I can own awesome softwares without making me bankrupt, and any Music comes almost free.
--Glutting your favorite food without worrying about the calorie content is a pure bliss. Even if you subconsciously look for the calorie content, it should be missing. Recently I found a nasty list on Limca bottle in Indian Food-mart. What a crap!

Jokes apart, I am putting my family first and following my intuition that it’s high time to start any career in India. This topic has been received promptly by few of my friends. I owe my deepest gratitude for their sincere inputs. There, however, is no other way to verify any hypothesis but to execute. I am game!

Since the decision has already been made, lets look at the implications:
--My current phone-number will not work after July 22nd and no voice-mail will be entertained either.
--It’s time to settle scores. If I owe you anything, remind me ASAP. Please be prompt otherwise also.
--My limited earthly possessions will soon need either a new owner or a welcoming trash. Items that may interest you, are: wooden study table, chair, lamp, end-table, book-rack and piles of used/new novels.

I would like to thank my friends in Purdue for making my stay pleasant here. My memories of Purdue will include, numerous indoor parties, adventurous road-trips, aimless long drives, late-night cricket sessions, trips to various cities, obviously classes and homework sessions, exciting teaching experience, various outdoor ‘events’, birthday bashes etc. and these were never possible without your enthusiasm. Thanks a ton!

In case I miss the opportunity to meet you in-person before leaving, this blog should serve the purpose.

Adieu!

2009-04-02T07:05:00.000-07:00

Recession Proof Jobs!

Accept it or not, recession is here. If you still have hard-time believing it, check my inbox for the several rejection emails I get daily :( Since things are not turning out the way it usually used to, we should explore other alternatives. This is my two cent here, a business idea that one can use as a fall-back option. This is a 'Tiffin-Service', with tag-line: "We appreciate your appetite".

I have compiled a demo website for you, where each section is written with extreme care to maximize the profit. Further guidance can be obtained through NagP Inc.

If you have any suggestion to improve the idea, do leave a comment.

Bhai Ji Tiffin Services

Stay tuned!

2008-09-27T18:25:00.000-07:00

This is the fourth and last part of 'Seven Deadly Sins'.

First three parts can be read here:
First part: A bag of bricks and a bottle of wine

Second Part: Meeting an Under-grad

Third Part: Job-Fair

Story so far: GVR, a grad student dies and meets an immortal. The immortal gives him a bag of bricks, a bottle of wine and a dictionary. The bag contains bricks. There can be at most seven types of bricks representing each deadly sin. GVR has to repent these sins to get rid of bricks before finishing wine. GVR meets an under-grad and some guys from industry, and successfully repents two sins. He is currently moving alone on the endless road. He checks the bag and finds out that........

Final Conversation with The Immortal

'Sloth...
Sloth...
Sloth...
...
What the F*ck! I got a bag full of sloth', GVR checks his bag and finds out that there are many Sloth bricks. He has already repented Envy & Greed.

'But why Sloth? I can't believe this. There must be some mistake?', GVR was not lazy in his earthly life. How can one call a graduate student lazy?

'I must talk to the immortal. It must be a mistake.', he concludes and wonders what could possibly induce an error in the supernatural setting. 'Are they keeping these records offshore?'. He couldn't find anything reasonable except Outsourcing to blame.

'Let's talk to Him'

'Hello!... Hello!... I am talking to you...' He shouts in all directions and hopes to get a response from the immortal.

'Son! you look puzzled', the immortal appears from nowhere.

'Oh! that was quick! .... Yes I have a doubt?', GVR asks.

'I think there is some mistake. My bag is full of Sloth. I was not lazy. I am sure there is some mistake. Can you please cross check?', GVR avoids questioning efficiency of the underlying system.

'There can be no mistake. But I can surely cross check for you.'

'No mistake! Sloth is the last sin for you. But I am afraid to tell you that your sloth has accumulated to a level of Lethargiosis.', the immortal brings both a good and a bad news.

'Wow!!Just one sin left! Cool... I did it', GVR celebrates his victory and reaches for his wine to treat himself. A sip revitalizes his soul.

'And what happened to Lust and Gluttony? I am sure I committed them during my life', GVR can be frank to an immortal.

'They are not counted as sins anymore!'

'What? Why? Since when? This world is so different than we always imagined on the earth', GVR expresses his astonishment.

'Since majority of humans are committing these sins, they now come under human nature and are not treated as crimes.'

'That's cool! I wish I could know this earlier.'

'But didn't you mention Seven deadly sins in our first meeting?', To question is a right of a grad.

'Polluting mother nature and dealing with drugs are new in the list.', the immortal again clarifies GVR's doubt.

'Hmmm it makes sense...But wait! why sloth... and you said something very negative, didn't you? I think I lost you somewhere', GVR finally senses the bad news.

'I said your life was severely affected by sloth. You may take some time reflecting on it completely. Save your wine.', the immortal reiterates the bad news.

'wait wait wait... I am sorry, I can't take it. you are trying to call a graduate student a lazy @$$... how can you? I am offended....', GVR recalls the main reason of summoning the immortal.

'Let me tell you my normal weekly schedule... I used to attend around ten hours of lectures, four hours of lab-works. I generally spent around twenty to thirty hours on home works, and almost similar time on my research.... Look at my body', but GVR realizes the fact that he has died, ' ohhh ok, I meant I used to work-out daily... I don't remember a single week when I spent less than five hours in gym....'

'What on God Damn earth made you feel, that I was lazy... My goodness!! Who can question activity of a graduate student? We belong to one of the most industrious species of the universe... we are hard working... I am sorry, but you offended not only me, but my whole community.. how can you do that?' GVR can never stand His accusations.

'I was expecting this. Sloth is always misunderstood by physical inactivity. It is far more severe than you can imagine.'

'Oh My God! here comes the preaching! you know what.. I was about to appreciate the whole set-up. You told me wonderful theories that I could never imagine. I met wonderful people here, and realized how wrong I was in my life. And now you are serving me new fundas..', GVR protests once again.

'I don't question your over-scheduled life. But tell me what was the sole purpose of keeping yourself busy?', the immortal asks keeping himself calm.

GVR thinks of a convincing reason. If it were some other mortal, he would have sweet coated his argument with ponderous reasons he mentioned in his SOP*. The curiosity and inclination towards science could have saved him. But these reasons are pointless in front of an immortal. The immortal could easily sense the underlying truth.

'Let me tell you, the whole purpose was to keep yourself so busy, so entrenched in your active life, that your spirit reached a permanent state of lethargiosis', the immortal is still calm. On the other hand, GVR is still thinking of a good damn reason.

'Lethargiosis is a process of eliminating energy & drive. It's not a state of tranquility. It's a state of pointlessness.', the immortal adds.

'I understand that I haven't done anything for mother nature or the society... but look!! do you want everyone to be a revolutionary?... there is no point!', GVR's tone yields to a defensive pitch. He remembers the days of his life when he pointlessly conducted same experiments again and again to kill time and get rid of frustration. He recalls walking on road thinking about his aimless life.

'This is not only about nature, society and family, my son! This is about you. This is about making up your mind and taking some genuine steps in your life.', comes the next strike from the immortal.

'I think I am not completely getting you. But tell me first! Does everyone think too much in life? Ok, lets not talk about politically obsessed souls, but what about others? I followed others and I am curious if everyone else made reasonable choices in life.'

'I am afraid to tell you the truth. Sloth is the biggest threat to humanity and over scheduled people are new sloths. They are neither angry nor hopeful. They are so engrossed in their petty life that their souls are dying.', the immortal conveys another sad news without an inkling of sympathy.

'But you can count on our curiosity towards science, can't you?', GVR picks up a heavy word from his SOP. 'Well what are my options?', GVR asks a straightforward question without dwelling on some boring discussion.

'Since this is the last sin in your account. You can repent it and explore the next stage. Counting on your curiosity, I hope you won't disappoint us. We need more souls like you. You must have learnt from history that we have yet to create a truly peaceful, loving world.'

GVR thinks for sometime. He just needs to say sorry for sloth, and he will be in a completely different world.

'Well I have a better option. I think I will wait for the time Sloth is removed from the list of sins. And considering the increasing number of people embracing it, this time will arrive soon. Why should I trouble myself for the sake of humanity. I feel, I love my pointless graduate life.', GVR emphasizes every word and makes a calculated decision. He, then, reaches for his wine and gulps it in one shoot.

Boom... and he disappears. What else can you expect from a grad? The immortal doesn't look surprised and says his little prayer, 'You haven't changed a bit. It was not your first trip here. Last time we got you soon after your GRE, before you were going back to school. We gave you a good undergraduate degree, a lucrative job and a meaningful life, but you followed the crowd and wanted to join a Grad. School. You gave similar reasons the last time. This time we picked you just before your QE**. You were recently planning to convert your Masters program to a PhD program. I am sure you will then opt for a Post-Doctorate and finally realize that you are over educated for anything worthy. May you live in pace.'

And on the earth, after around two and half decades, a Masters student is unable to decide anything for his future and sticks to studies. He is going to write QE tomorrow.

<-The End ->

PS:
1.I duly respect the entire graduate community. But unfortunately many students are taking this path just because they don't decide upon anything else. What a pity!
2.Reference: 'Sloth', Wendy Wasserstein, Oxford University Press. (The word 'Lethargiosis' was picked from this book. The last chapter of the book proposes over-scheduled sloths. Many key ideas were picked from there.)
3.The New York Public Library & Oxford University Press asked seven noted writers, scholars, and critics to offer their own views on one of the seven deadly sins. Seven books were published in this series. These books give more general definition of these sins, digging up their history and commenting on human behavior.
4.I have received many comments saying that this plot looks religious. I must clarify that although I am a religious person, this story has nothing to do with my religious beliefs. I tried to correlate human defects and graduate life. A good sense of humor is only prerequisite to appreciate the material. I hope you enjoyed reading it :) Stay tuned!!!

* SOP stands for Statement of Purpose. It's kind of a short essay that every graduate student write mentioning his or her research and career objective. It is a basic requirement for admission into any graduate school.

** QE stands for Qualifying Examination: Anyone can get a Masters degree without writing a QE, but one needs to clear this test before securing entry in a PhD Program.

2008-09-18T19:35:00.000-07:00

PS: I have profound faith in Job-Fairs. But if you can't laugh over it at the end of a day, it's too serious for your life :) Happy reading!

Story so far: GVR, a grad student, dies and gets a bag of bricks, a bottle of wine and a dictionary. The bag contains bricks representing his sins and he has to repent them. He meets an under-grad and repents Envy. He is walking on an endless road. And then....

Job-Fair

“One tiny lil' jobless creature asked for more pizzas in feedback booklet”, an astonished voice gets life.

“What! ho ho... what do you mean??? He wrote 'order more pizza next time'.. ha ha... he must be a poor job-less soul”, another astonished yet amused voice responds.

“So what did you do...next time?”, another astonished as well as curious voice joins the discussion.

“Stopped putting the feedback booklet in the information session. How could I let my manager know that I was making money by ordering less pizza than required? What else could I do?”, the first voice defends its actions.

“Simply perfect! you gotcha be watching out what your manager is watching”, a mature voice supports the first voice.

GVR was moving alone for some time on the endless road. He now sees four smoky figures ahead. He is close enough to hear them clearly. They haven't noticed his presence. He looks at his feet and finds-out that there is no foot to make any sound. A cool awesome white smoky tail is moving smoothly on the whiter smoky platform. He slows down his pace to maintain some distance. He can still hear them clearly. He notices that these figures are little darker than his smoke. 'Now who else can be sinner than grad and under-grads?', he wonders.

“You know! in my ten years at Outtel, I have learned two things.... first.. watch what your manager is watching and you can save your @$$ in the long run.... and second.. watch what your manager is not watching and that's where you make some extra bucks...”, the mature voice shares its vision with other guys.

“What! you are funny.. ain't you.. I must say the funniest guy I have ever met... ho ho ho, nice theory. No one told me this at BMD”, the second figure looks easily titillated.

GVR takes no time understanding that the poor jobless creature -in their discussion- is a grad student. These guys must be employees of two leading competitor companies of hardware industry. They must have died just before a job-fair. BMD and Outtel are hard-core competitors. GVR could never imagine their employees talking so freely. It must be the death who erases all competitions. GVR, surely, is gonna appreciate this after-life set-up.

“The tale doesn't end with pizza. These jobless creatures are far more jobless and shameless... I was once delivering a lecture on our Boogle's innovative product-line and at the far corner of the lecture hall, these two grads were literally fighting over the last slice of pizza... What the f*ck! They should at least have some respect for technology, for Boogle, for me – their school senior... but no!! these guys are jobless, senseless and useless”, the first figure looks very disappointed with the future of technology because it is going in wrong hands.

GVR, a grad student in his earthly life, who used to mark his calendar for all seminars with free food feels sorry. 'Oh so a Boogle guy is also in the gang... Cool!!', he thinks.

“That's why MegaSoft never wastes its energy on seminars before the actual job-fair.... Just go in the field, let them stand in a queue for long time and then interview them right there... pick few and come-back... Algorithm simplified!', The third smoke gives a better solution to the first one.

“Wow! MegaSoft too!!”, All big brands excite GVR. The other two guys must be working in the Software giants, Boogle & MegaSoft. They are discussing a job-fair, i.e. career fair. Education leads us to good citizenship, is an old saying, an outdated version of more practical and precise proverb that goes like this, 'Education leads us to industry where a hard working student transforms into a hardly working employee.' A job fair is a gateway to this transformation. Employees attract poor students to strengthen their fraternity and poor students enter the trap out of sheer greed.

“Ohh.. don't get me started on the field... I have seen nine job-fairs... and I can tell you that these creatures are the most shameless creatures in the whole universe. They trade their resume for free stuff.... Generous companies bring them tooth-pastes, pens, caps, t-shirts, water-bottles, key-chains etc. as a token of thanks for their participation in job-fair.... They just shamelessly trade their resume for these stuff... I have seen many students standing in irrelevant company's queue for free supply of their groceries.... I could have forgiven them, but some students don't even wait, don't even talk, don't even come-up with their resume, they just appears from no where, collects a bag from some company stall, and goes to all other stalls collecting free stuffs... Heights of shamelessness, I must say”, the Outtel guy again shares his experience. He is a bit disappointed this time.

“ohh what? what a pity?? but are you serious.. I mean... just coming and picking free stuff, without giving resume... ha ha... those creatures must be the funniest creatures... ho ho.. I have never seen this stuff.... ha ha I can imagine it... ho ho.. pretty funny, it looks”, the BMD guy can laugh over any situation.

But GVR feels sorry. He used to behave similarly in job-fairs. He never purchased tooth-paste, pen, t-shirt, cap, bag, key-chain etc. in his graduate life. He didn't brush his teeth for one whole week because his tooth-paste stock was over just before a job-fair. He even picked stuffs from job-fairs that he never used. He used to think that it was a basic right of every grad student. He was wrong, it must be his Greed. He felt sorry, and some of his bricks disappear.

“One student asked if we have any Medium size t-shirt left before handing his resume to me”, the Boogle guys tells his story.

“You guys always want to live with complexity... you, first, make your world complex, and then complain against it.... Why do you guys bring these exotic stuff to a poor place like school? ... look at us!! we came up with a simpler solution, we brought them a detergent powder which is no good for washing... We packed the stuff in a funky iPod like Box and stacked the boxes in a heap on our counter.... students waited in a long queue to find out the truth.. ha ha ha.. Algorithm simplified once again”, MegaSoft never misses a chance to showcase his superiority over Boogle.

“What! ho ho.. I must tell you, this after-death is too funny... I have never met anyone funnier in my life... ha ha.. what a solution!.. I am glad that I died before I could attend my first job-fair ever. It was gonna be my first job-fair.”, The BMD guy finally speaks something that catches every one's attention including GVR's.

“What... the first one.”, the Boogle guy asks.

“So! you are a Pizza-guy, ain't you?”, the Outtel guy inquires.

“What? A Pizza-guy? What does it mean?”, finally something truly astonished the BMD guy without troubling his nerves responsible for laughing.

“See, there are different levels of employees in a hiring crew that goes to a job-fair”, the mature Outtel guy starts sharing his wisdom again, “Lets start with a pizza-guy, the person who order pizzas for pre-job-fair seminars and takes care about crew's meal during interviews etc., then the next hierarchical level is possessed by a poster guy. He is responsible for setting up company tents and posters. Speakers are the next... they tell company policies and can speak non-sense for hours without taking breath.... and the last one is”

“The resume guy?”, the BMD guy guesses.

“Well there is no resume guy, but yes.. there is a shredder guy whose duties include resume collection and their safe disposal to company's shredding machine.”, the Boogle guy completes the sentence. All companies have unanimously the same levels of hierarchy in a hiring crew.

“See !!again you guys are creating a complex world around you... look at MegaSoft... we don't have pre-job-fair seminars, so no pizza or poster guy.... all MegaSoft guys are good orators, so no extra speaker in the crew... so just one or at most two can handle a job-fair... Algorithm Simplified, yet again”, the MegaSoft guy reveals his company's secret.

GVR is fed-up of listening to them. He has already realized his Greed. He wants to move on. He interrupts them.

“Excuse me! I want to say thanks to you guys”, GVR speaks.

He catches their attention who never noticed his presence so far.

“I am Girdhar Venkatpati Raju... call me GVR. I was a grad student... and your little conversation here helped me repent my greed. Thanks.”, GVR saves their questions and explains everything.

“But I have a doubt”, GVR further asks.

“How come all of you died together... I mean was there any air-plane casualty? Then why only four of you?”, GVR has got a valid doubt.

“No! we were sharing a car-drive from the airport to a university and met an accident.”

“Hmmm Car-pooling! eco-friendly set-up!! good”, GVR praises their efforts.

“What eco-friendly? Frankly speaking, we all get compensation from our companies for all the expenses we made during our trip. We were saving some cash by pooling car and plan to show fake bills later.”, the Outtel guy tells the real story.

GVR starts moving on the endless road thinking that a grad student is not only one who commits GREED on the earth.

Notes:
1.It's time for follow-up process. Update your resume and apply online for job/internship, if you have recently attended a job-fair. :)
2.Further reading: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_deadly_sins#Greed_.28Latin.2C_avaritia.29
3.This is the second last part of the story. Next post should be the last one. Stay tuned!

2008-09-05T21:55:00.000-07:00

Meeting an Under-grad!
( This is the second part of the story, Seven Deadly Sins.)

And everything disappears with the blink of an eye. GVR is not dreaming. He has lost his very flesh, and has become a figure of white smoke. He has met one immortal and discovered absence of both hell and heaven. He, yet, has been given a bag of bricks, a bottle of wine and a dictionary. He enters a big white gate to travel on an endless road. He finds himself alone, hanging somewhere in the infinite universe. He can see only white, hear only silence and feel only himself. He is with himself - a rare occurrence in one's life – he, at least, has met his true soul. He can reflect on his deeds now and repent his sins. He is alone, all by himself.

“I wonder if I can check my orkut account here.”, finally a dead grad student talks to himself. He looks around and sees nothing. It is some kind of smoky set-up. Only a white smoky platform is visible. It is nothing like a road - the endless road, as the immortal mentioned. He notices his long white tail. It looks cool. He wonders if newton's laws of physics hold there or even the very physics is true anymore. He guesses that poor souls of Newton and Einstein would have wandered confusingly verifying the earthly physics laws.

“Hellooooo!!!!!!!Is anyone out there?”

“Hey Bro! What's up?”,he, surprisingly, gets a response. Another figure, made of smoke, comes towards him. There is no difference in appearance, since everything is made of white smoke. All figures are of same length, having almost same kind of structure and no sign of blood, skin or flesh. They all look similar from distance. Race as well as ethincity surrenders to true equality, at least in some part of the universe. Before he can appreciate the equality, he notices that the other figure is slightly darker. The immortal told him that the blacker the smoke, the sinner was the creature in his earthly life. He wonders if there can be anyone sinner than a grad on the earth.

“Hey I was Tom before death!”, the newly arrived figure introduces himself.

“Call me GVR!”

Tom, then, tells him that he died in a road accident. Tom was drunk and driving a car. Tom was hit by a truck and died on the spot. He was an undergraduate student and was about to complete his degree in his earthly life.

“Ohh an under-grad! I knew who could be sinner than a grad”, GVR pities the poor soul.

“Ohh a grad student! What a loser?” Tom pities the whole grad community, upon knowing that GVR was a grad student.

GVR faced many under-grads in his life but he feels uncomfortable facing Tom.

“You know! I can be very frank now, since you are not gonna grade my exams, are you?”, Tom starts talking.

“You must know what we always think of grad students.... You are big time losers”, Tom is really being very frank.

“And do you know the reason?... or I must say reasons?.... how could you??? you yourself are a grad. Ha ha ha.” Tom laughs at grads.

“You guys have no social life, you always look for the cheapest place to eat, though you earn and save enough. And you b*st*rds screw our grades whenever you get chance, that's the only way to show off your studness... but you should also know that you guys are no geeks... you guys are j*rks, big time losers... you couldn't study enough during your under-graduation and now reading the same old stuff again... Dude! you guys should get some life!” Tom can't be more frank. He represents his views for grads.

GVR smiles.

This smile, for Tom, is a surrender.

For GVR, this smile is a go-f*ck-yourself-I-dont-care attitude. GVR is mature enough to discard Tom's comment without taking any offense.

“But we are dead now!”, GVR finally speaks.

“Yes true! and these guys gave me wine.”

“What's wrong with the wine?”

“They know I was killed by over-drinking. I have already been f*cked-up by alchol and am so tempted to finish this in one shot. There could have been a better way... may be something to eat, say some fruit, instead of wine... may be an apple... yes I wish there were one apple, one big-red apple. I hate apples, and I would have never eaten that apple without throwing these bricks away.” Tom looks very pissed of.

“Apple! Thank God! You didn't get an apple. The whole mankind has already suffered ill-fate of apples twice.” GVR argues, but Tom looks non-pulsed.

“Recently it was a weak apple, that couldn't hold itself on a tree and jumped upon Newton, and result, we suffered from gravity, Newton's laws, complete physics, and almost all engineering and sciences.”

“And lately it was a strong apple, that stayed forever on a tree, and tempted poor Eve so much that she grabbed it, and we all suffered mortality. Those two apples have really scr*wed us big-time, don't you think so?”, GVR concludes.

“What a poor joke? Dude! you surely didn't have any social life, did you?” Tom's pride is too tough to be invaded.

“That's enough! This son of a b*tch is insulting me again and again”, GVR can take no more...

“Whatever! lets have some fun. Come on, who is up for a bottoms-up”, GVR raises his bottle and challenges Tom.

“You got to be kidding. You can't beat me, can you?..... Do you really think you can?... Oh! f*ck it, I will prove it in a minute... on the count of three”, Tom is ever-ready.

“One... two... three...”, before GVR can even finish counting Tom starts gulping wine from his bottle. GVR knows that they can't afford this bottoms-up. The very bottle of wine is their only hope to explore the endless road and reflect on their sins. But poor Tom has been trapped, he is paying for his blasphemy.

As soon as Tom finishs his wine, he disappears. GVR laughs, a hearty laugh. “Now tell! Who is your daddy?” GVR just gave life to one guy. Is it a crime?

After departure of Tom, GVR is alone again. He is tired. He wants to take few sips of wine. It is time to celebrate his victory over a poor undergraduate. He has seen many under grads in his life. Undergraduates are frisky, empty-headed, over confident and exuberant. They can only party, but can't do well in exams and projects. They always need help in homeworks, but in bars, they need no help. They are rude, over smart and good for nothing creatures. They come to college, but can never leave their high-school attitude behind. They are plainly unthinkable. GVR hates them, and he recently saw real face of an under-graduate. His perception about them was completely right.

But he, still, can't afford a sip, can he?

“Lets get rid of some bricks first.”
He looks at the first brick in the bag. It reads ENVY

Although he never understood the whole procedure of reflection and repenting, yet he assumes that thinking of a sin will serve the purpose, so he starts thinking his deeds reflected by the sin.

“Jealousy! Well this is not tough. I have always been jealous in my life and I won't wonder if my bag is full of ENVY bricks...”

“I remember that I was always jealous of my batch-mates who publish papers frequently and my prof. I wish I could be a master the field like him.”

He, then, tries to think of every single event induced by jealousy, but nothing happens. No brick disappears.

“What's wrong? at least some bricks should go away.... Go! Go! Go!! let me celebrate my victory. I wanna drink some wine...” but all in vain.

“I might be doing something wrong? lets start all over again... The brick says, ENVY... means jealousy, and I have thought of every event when I felt it... what could be wrong? Lets see Dictionary. The immortal was so convinced that it would help me....”

He refers to his dictionary which is kind of a thesaurus. The entry at ENVY says:

'ENVY: It is not jealousy. It is a silent, secretive process and not always verifiable.'

There are couple of other statements.

'One is jealous of what one has, envious of what other people have.'

'People hate those who make them feel their own inferiority.'

GVR can't decode the hidden meaning. He desparately wants to enjoy his victory. He always hated undergraduates in his life, for they could afford fun on every weekend even on every weekday.

“Wait! it must not be hatred, it must be my envy.”, GVR realizes and starts seeing the big picture. He remembers that he used to have similar opinions for grads when he himself was an undergrad. He always mocked them, but finally he himself opted to be one. His opinions changed. He started complaining of all things that he could do as an under-graduate but couldn't afford in grad life. He longed for maturity and after becoming a grad student, he started coveting immature undergrads. How biased he was in his life. His envy made him feel so jealous of undergrads. He forgot that he himself was an under-grad. He used to cherish the happy-go-lucky attitude. He never cared of world when he was young. He misses these traits now and feels that his juniors are no good. They get what they don't deserve. How could he overlook their life and undermine his?

Humans exist on at least three levels, there is the person as he appears in public, the person who is known to friends and family members, and deepest of all, who is only known to himself, where all the aspirations, resentments, fantasies, desires & much else that is not ready for public knowledge reside. That's where envy resides, it's hard to discover.

“Look what I have done to a poor kid?” GVR finally feels sorry and some of his bricks disappear.

PS:
1.This piece is fictional. And opinions presented here should be read with good sense of humor.
2.Reference: 'Envy', Joseph Epstein. New York: Oxford University Press, 2003.

2008-08-28T20:36:00.000-07:00

Seven Deadly Sins
Immortality is a curse, but being mortal is no fun. Things go worse, if it's a Grad. life. A grad student, GVR, was leading his life(Mind you I avoided adjective 'happily') and one day he died. According to a common belief, a mortal leaves all worries and tensions behind, but even the death proved unfair to poor GVR. He met one Immortal who changed his life, I mean his death, or should I say his life after death? Whatever! it was no fun facing that stuff after his mortal flesh was deeply buried or burned to ashes. If you are a Grad student, read this and consider yourself warned. If you are not one, you may want to experience commonplace trauma a grad student is gifted to.

A bag of bricks and a bottle of wine!
It's a beautiful day. The earth looks stunning. He is staring at the blue perl, not blinking his eyes, but not admiring the beauty. He can't appreciate it, because appreciation grows to affection and affection results in attachment. And when one is attached to something mortal, eternity is to be deprived of. He is an Immortal. He was an Immortal, and will be one. Perception of time vanishes with concept of eternity. He has been watching the very earth from its birth. He might have witnessed the big-bang-theory, provided this hypothetical concept really occurred. He may, too, see the probable destruction of earth. He can't appreciate its beauty, neither can he pity at its probable destruction. And that's why immortality is a curse, you have got only single eternal expression. Expression of peace. This peace is his color, this eternity is his figure. He is made of smoke, a white smoke. A figure that hangs around. He has got long hair, a broad chest, and muscular shoulders, all crafted in smoke. He doesn't have legs, it is all smoke like tail that goes down his waist. It may sound weird, but he is peaceful, calm and eternal, and he is just watching the earth, without any feelings.

“Hey Dude! What's up?”, his new guest, another figure carved in white smoke, has just arrived. Its smoke is not as white as his. It is neither as peaceful as his white smoke is.

“You just died”, the Immortal conveys the horrible message without any sympathy.

“I know, thanks!”, the mortal replies. His name was GVR in his life, and he was a grad student.

Generally dead mortals tremble upon the thought of dying. They, sometimes, start crying and beg for some more life. But this mortal looks different.

“You look happy!” the Immortal expresses himself.

“Ya! Thanks man! you saved me from QE (Qualifying Exam), I was gonna appear tomorrow. You are man!”

The immortal realizes that his new guest is a grad student. He already knew this fact, but he just realized. Process of knowing is different than process of realizing. For example, a grad student always knows the fact that he is a grad student, but he only realizes it when he appears for QE, waits for QE results, applies for Funding, goes to job-fair, looks into trash for some free stuff, counts days for free-pizza parties, wastes his time on weekdays surfing net, and weekends repenting no progress in research. Actually he realizes the fact all the time. Okay, grad student is not a good example for this theory. A grad student is good for nothing. The theory, still, remains valid that the process of knowing is different than the process of realizing.

“So when am I going to hell?”, GVR asks while the immortal is busy doing some calculations.

“There is no hell.”

“You mean, hell is full, so I may be sent to heaven”, GVR never believed he would be lucky here too. His luck never ditched him in his life. He was always the first to arrive at the right trash to pick-up free furniture. He got a pizza in all call-out sessions while his other grad friends, sometimes, missed the last bite by nano-seconds.

“Or are you planning to send me back to school?”, it was a horrible thought, but he has never been this lucky in his life. He made into the best school, but never got the best lab to work in. He worked with some fundo prof, but never able to publish something original. The fear was valid, and the future looked dark, more horrible than being in hell.

“I said there is no hell, neither any heaven around here”, the immortal clarifies.

“What the hell is going on? Am I not completely dead, or am I just sleeping and this is just a weird dream, where I am gonna revert some fundamental belief we are hanging on for ages... I once reverted newton's laws of physics, published dozen of papers, and gonna receive a nobel prize, but my roomie kicked my ass and waked me up.”

“No. This is not a dream. Death is your new color. There is no hell or heaven up here. It was a goof-up humans created to second their binary logic.”, the immortal explains.

“WTF! I am sorry. I shouldn't use such kind of language”, GVR apologizes, realizing his words can be counted as blasphemy, and the immortal can send him to the Hell.

“Bingo! If there is no hell, what am I afraid of? you can't send me to hell, can you?”, GVR realizes the absence of hell, though he has learnt the fact earlier.

The immortal nods and resumes calculating something.

“Pretty balanced!” the immortal finally comments.

“What?”

“You have got a decent amount of virtues against your sins.”

“But there is no hell. Why do you keep this account?”

“So that I can give you enough wine and bricks”, and the immortal starts counting bricks. GVR didn't notice them earlier. There, actually, are some bricks lying there, so are bottle of wines.

“For every sin you committed in your life, you will get a brick. Every virtue will give you a drop of wine. All you need to do is to carry your bricks in a bag, and wine with you, and walk on an endless road?”, the immortal starts explaining him.

“What? Am I appearing for Microsoft interview???? Whatever you are talking, sounds like some puzzle.... Ohh man! Did I die to solve some puzzle?” disappointed GVR looks in the sky, and realizes that he is up here, so there is no point looking somewhere else.

“This is same for all dead mortals. You have committed sins in your life, and now is the time to look back, think of your evil deeds and repent them. You can have upto seven kinds of bricks in your bag, and they are heavy. Each kind represents a deadly sin. Every time you realize your sin, reflect and repent it, the brick will disappear, and your bag will become lighter. You can drink wine, if you are tired. But spend it wisely, because if you finish your wine before emptying the bag, you will send back to earth.”

GVR is listening to him, “This sounds fun. I am in.”

“But I have couple of doubts?”

“If all I need to reflect and repent, then why should I walk?”, a grad student is always this lazy.

“Because you may meet some other dead mortals while walking, and talk to them. This will help you realize your sins.”

“Ohh! you mean I am still a human, a so called social beast... Sir! I am a grad student, and grad students don't socialize.... No.. Never!! I hardly know names of all guys working in my lab”, although he knows everything about all girls there.

“You were a graduate student. Now you are dead.”

“What if I run out of wine, will the remaining bricks carry-over to my next-trip here?”, recursive functions always scare GVR.

“No. They won't, but your next life will be based upon the number of remaining bricks.”

“Man! Last time, I must have drunk my wine in one shot, that's why I got this Grad life” GVR thinks.

“Where will I go if I successfully solve this puzzle?”, another question is pondered.

“Wait and watch.”

Then GVR asks some more questions, and gets everything clarified once again. He is ready to embark on an exciting journey.

“How can I contact you, if I have some doubt?”, a grad student always asks for office hours.

“Just think about me, and ask your question.”

“Is it that easy?”, he was half assured that he would get some toll-free number, out-sourced to Asian countries.

Finally the immortal hands him his bag and the bottle of wine. Then he gives him a book.

“What's this? A holy book?”, GVR looks puzzled.

“No! It's a Dictionary.”
“A Dictionary! Why? Sir, I am a grad student, okay, I was a grad student to be more precise, and I cleared GRE for that. I scored 1470 in damn G. R. E. Do you really think that I need a dictionary?”, he puts a valid reason.

“Barrons is no substitute for dictionary, my son! Keep it, you may need it. It's not heavy.”, and his reason is corrected again.

“Okay, put the heavy bag on me! I am ready for it. I used to work-out daily. I love my body”, a white lie, he hated his body. His belly was growing, and he always blamed his out-of-shape body for not having a girl-friend. He was worried that he wouldn't ever get a good match for arranged marriage too. This was the only fear sending him to gym daily.

GVR completes his sentence, and looks at his muscles to see the hard work he has done at Gym.

“AAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhh! WTF! What is this?” his own smoky figure scares him. His hard-work has vanished. There is no sign of strong biceps.

“You are dead, dude!”, the immortal reminds him. GVR finally realizes the fact he came to know couple of hours back. He takes his bag, dictionary and the bottle of wine and heads towards a big white gate.

And the journey begins!
------------------------

2007-11-03T00:26:00.000-07:00

The universal question!

It was a chilling mid-night of some US city, the darkness has captured breath of the city and people were packed into their apartments. It was not a weekend, so Bars, Chocolate-shops and liquor places were not flooded, this was a weekday, like usual monday or wednesday, and soon it would become either tuesday or thursday.

Shekhar could feel each twisting nerve of his body. He was trying to concentrate on the book he was reading, but he could no longer avoid the question. He had been haunted by the same question for many days. He checked his watch, 00:30 AM, “it means it should be around 10:00 PM in India.” He looked at his family photograph, placed in a small frame and a snap with his friends, the snap was taken while he was hanging out with them in B'lore. “All dreams have cost associated!”, he couldn't help but think about the life he was living just a couple of months ago. Another look at the photograph, made him smile and the next moment he was sad thinking about his family. He could spend hours and hours thinking about India, his friends, his work-place, under-graduate college, B'lore etc, but “not now!”, he couldn't think about anything else, he has to find an answer to the question.

First method to solve a difficult problem is to avoid facing it. So he turned off his table-lamp and tried to sleep. The warm bed was no longer warm! His restless tussle with the bed-sheet lasted for few minutes and he suddenly woke-up. “Now! no more!”, he switched on the light and moved to other part of his apartment.

****
Sudesh, who is Shekhar's flat-mate, is of same age of as Shekhar, was studying in the other room. He was fully aware of the trauma Shekhar was facing, he was actually sharing the same pain. He knew what could be Shekhar's next move, so he followed Shekhar.

****
The apartment was too small to play a hide-n-seek game, especially at this wee hour. Next moment, Sudesh found Shekhar weeping in one corner of the room. It was not full-fledged out burst of tears. It was gentle pain of a male-heart, shaped in two fine-small tears, those who fought their way against a thick glass and beard-rough face of a man.

Sudesh felt pity for him. “Abbe to bina pyaaz ka kuch bana le naa” (prepare something without onion!), Sudesh commented.

“What the f**k! Maggi is over long back, there is no Parantha (India version of baked wheat-Pizza cooked with a vegetable and spicies) and no Soda at all.”

“Saale yahaan bhookh ke karaan phaati padee hai aur tum angreji jhaaaad rahe ho!” “Why can't you find sometime from your RA work and get some stuff from food-mart”

Silence captured the room. Both Sudesh and Shekhar have been good friends before coming here, but these arguments were common these days.

“What would you like to eat?”, Shekhar finally asked. Male-arguments don't last for long. It's not some silly-girlish fight where two girls have arguments for some silly reason and carry the anger for long time. If it's male emotion, either it would be absent or too short to be noticed.

“Cook anything Machhha!”, Sudesh was looking for some left-over Pizza of yesterday's dinner.

“But what?, Every time I entered the kitchen I face the same question. In my whole-life I have never faced hunger, so badly and so regularly. As soon as the clock ticks noon, we need to think for lunch and every evening brings the same question. What to eat?”

“abbe bhaashaan band kar, aur rice chada de,(Stop preaching and cook some rice!) I will deal with these f**king onions!”, Sudesh knew, Shekhar doesn't believe in any philosophical aspect of hunger or life, it was just the onion that was making him uncomfortable.

“No more Onion-Masala-Rice!”, Shekhar couldn't imagine himself grabbing one more plate of rice, fried with indian spices and chopped onion. “I think I have eaten tons of Rice after coming here!” It was the final comment before he handed over the holy task of chopping an onion to Sudesh.

“Thoda jyada bana loo kya rice? kal lunch ke kaam aa jayega? (Should I prepare extra rice for tomorrow's lunch), Shekhar asked. The duo of desire and dream of having no more rice hit the grounds of reality.

****
There are undoubtedly enormous variety of food available here, indian, italian, chinese, mexican and what not, but it is really difficult to find a good Vegetarian meal! ok at-least a meal that doesn't affect weight of these health-conscious guys, or to be frank, a meal that shouldn't make them a bankrupt. Because of the amalgam of these three factors Sudhesh and Shekhar have no option other than facing the same question twice a day, “what to eat now?”

Every problem comes with a solution, or at least a brilliant mind puts every single effort to knock it down. So here goes the list of efforts tried by both of them, either separately or together:
-->Eat out and Try some cheap food at MacDonalds or SubWay: when they first arrived here these were the two signs that were similar to any B'lorian eat-out zone, but their menu showed them reality in no time. Chicken Burger, Ham-burger, Beef-Sandwitch! No hard feelings for either MacDonalds or SubWay, but our veggies can't have them.

-->What about an Indian Kitchen or restaurant? It was neither cheap nor worth going. “Iss se achha to mujhe college mess ka khaana lagta tha! (I used to like my college mess food more than this food!), Sudesh once commented after eating at the same place for third time in three days.

-->Let's try ready to eat stuff: This was the trump card. “just in two minutes”, “just add hot-water”, “no need to cook” were only life saving captions for them. But suddenly they were knocked down by the monotonous taste.

-->Cook at flat: It was not an option, it was the dire need, a forced one. They both were pathetic cook. Either time refined their culinary skills or adjusted their taste-glands to the uniqueness of the food they cook. Shekhar could never learn the exact requirement of salt in any dish and Sudhesh has bare affection to red chilly. Doctors say excessive salt is bad for heart and excessive chilly negatively affects human digestion system. So they came up with a solution, Monday series was reserved for the safety of heart and tuesday series is more concerned about digestion system.

The story doesn't end here, it just starts. So they started cooking food. Initially the load of homework, assignments, project, RA-TA work was low. It gave them ample opportunities for trying several dishes. Matar-paneer, chilly mashroon, daal-tadka, bhindi-masala, gobhi-pyaaj, Aloo-matar, tamatar-chatani, palak-paneer, poha, halwa and what not. As if a novice painter gets a big lot of colors, paints, brushes, paper and infinite time to paint all his imagination. One can easily imagine tons of paper, spoiled with color, it was not art, it was trying out. Sudesh and Shekhar did the same. They tried every single dish they could think of and named them according to the best taste they had in India. Name was the only best part of the complete menu. They cut and burnt their fingers couple of times, utensils were spared no mercy. The tawa (plain black thick metal plate to cook indian pizza, called roti) has lost its virginity long ago, the burner was a mess of milk, tea and coffee, the kadai (metal bowl like structure to prepare indian curry) had gained black spots of onion and other spices, these were few medals after a deadly fight between a meal and the maker, plates have lost their shine so as small cups and spoons. The huge stock of pickles was getting over at exponential rate, as pickle was only replacement for deliciously-named-but-a-tasteless-dish. It fetched them no good, but it doesn't matter, what actually matters that they are fighting, they are still standing against all the odds. But till when?

****
One fine day Sudesh came-up with a solution, no it was Shekhar, may be Sudesh, who cares, the solution was an outcome of the profound thinking over the problem.

“Dude! Shaadi karo! (Get married soon dude!)

“what?” other commented, Sudesh was just studying for his upcoming mid-term exam and Shekhar was doing his homework. How come this thought came into his mind?

“What?” Sudesh asked again.

“Yes! dude get a fine girl... or at least a girl and get married soon?”

“but why this thought now?”

“See the logic is simple, you are old enough to get married, and Bhabhi aayegee to khana bhee cook kar degii yaar!” Now Shekhar realized that it was not a tough problem from the book that frustrated Sudesh, but it was a tougher problem from life.

“Just Imagine! you work hard day long towards your thesis and in the evening you get a good meal and wife....aur kya chahiye life mai?” (what all you want?). Sudesh smiled. It amused Shekhar too, they spent next couple of hour discussing the same.

“I want a Doctor wife! you know doctors earn well here. She will work in the medical center and I will do my PhD.”, Sudesh has actually thought a lot about it before sharing this idea with Shekhar.

“True!”, Shekhar added. “but at least cook karna aana chahiye (she should at least know, how to cook?)

“abbe Non-vegetarian aa gayee to?”, Shekhar always come-up with doubts.

“Vegetarian bana denge saali ko?”, Sudesh commented and then both of them laughed. They just forgot about their exam and home-work, and discussed the same topic, until the universal question arose, “what to eat now?”

PS:
This piece should be read with good sense of humor!
This blog is not meant for mocking any person, company, institution, community or tradition.
Any suggestion as an answer to the universal question is highly appreciated!